I Will Let the World Reject Me.”

This, by far, has been one of the most painful, eye opening, and raw gutting seasons God has lead me through. Every single morning since December I have awoken to feel inadequacy, guilt, and depression. It’s been exhausting trying on different emotional masks that can cover only a small percentage of my exposed weaknesses. I have, regretfully, shunned God and allowed a dark hole suck me dry. I feel as though a light within me has almost gone completely dim; drowning in my own agony.

But…. a voice calls to me, so softly.

A voice that sees my despair, yet can still reach into my cracked soul.

A light that outshines the deep trenches my own sin had created, pulling me out piece by piece.

A love that shows me that I am a sinner, but I’m also deeply treasured. A love that saw me from my mother’s womb and calls me by name. A love that knows my inner thoughts more than anything, and still called me “chosen.”

This is what I will cling to. I will let the world reject me. I will let myself be thrown into the streets, left physically naked and cold. But… I will not reject my Father’s love. I will not turn away from the cross that set me free. The cross has the final word, I will listen to that voice, even if the world’s deceiving tongue shouts lies into my bleeding ears.

“When My Secret Sin Almost Destroyed My Life.” By: Melodie Rose Jordan.  

Secrets. We all have them, right? I hope I am not alone in that…well, there are some good secrets: like a man on his 1,000th date with his “soul mate” and he has a ring in his pocket, just waiting to pop the question. Or, it’s your best friend’s 40th birthday, and you and her closest friends and family are throwing her a 70’s theme birthday party (which is what I want done to me, haha!) 

Sorry to burst some bubbles here, but those are not the type of secrets we will be discussing today. We are going to get a little deep, and it’s going to sting a bit. We are going to reveal in our own hearts of a “secret sin” in our own lives. I will start out by saying mine…and I am being blunt right now, this is being typed with some heavy tears in my eyes, so this is not easy for me to say. 

Most of you who follow my blog know that I committed sexual impurity when I was only 16 years old. Well, i am going to say another big sin I kept in the shadows. I used to be water deep into pornography. It all started in about 10th grade. This new site called Tumblr came into light and I wanted to try it out. I made an account, chose a cute blog name, and started to explore. I found extravagant photos of nature and of people and I instantly became attached. I made some new followers, and the thing about this site is…it’s very explicit. You can basically post anything you want. So, one day I found a blog site specifically for relationships, and since I yearned for one at the time…I fell in. 

The chains started to clasp onto me….

I wanted more. More than just kissing or cute relational quotes. I wanted action. So, I found some explicit gifs (moving pictures) of inappropriate sexual activity. I knew in my heart it was wrong, but my mind craved for that attention. 

I felt the chains start to pull me under…

I had stopped for awhile when I was in my last relationship, but things started to drift between the person I was with and…the pornogrpahy was grabbing my attention. I felt like I was being torn in two. My boyfriend at the time worked long, hard hours, and after we parted ways, I instantly jumped on and watched porn. All. Day. Long. I even explored the “female” side of it…and that’s when things took a turn for the worst.

I had lost all control. I had let my secret sin consume me. I watched from above the light drift from me as I sunk into darkness… 

I had enough. I wanted out. To escape. To be free. I confronted my boyfriend at the time first about it…and he kindly forgave me and prayed for me. But, I knew I needed more. I needed comfort from my Father. 

It wasn’t until last year that I finally looked at my chains and decided it was enough. I got on my knees, looked up with my tear stained face, and admitted to God that I was letting my sin destroy my life. 

I insantly felt the weight of guilt being lifted off of me. My heart felt full, not of lust, but of peace and love. I was free. I haven’t gone back to pornography since that day.

Whatever your secret sin may be, know it can and will destroy you if you don’t analyze it in time. Know that God has a greater plan for you and can free you from the darkness! Know there is always a way out!!! 

“Jealous, Much?” By: Melodie Rose Jordan. 

Have you ever felt jealousy? I mean, it is a silly question. I believe jealous was wired into our human DNA, but I’m talking about the blood boiling, cheek burning, fist curling kind of jealousy. I can recall a sad time. 

I was in my senior year, a lot of my bad times were around this point unfortunately. I was very involved with choir, and every year we had a “masquerade” show where we got to dress up and sing Broadway musicals. Sounds cool right? Well, it was. It was also very competitive. You see, if you wanted to do a solo, you had to pick a specific piece, practice for months on end, and audition for the choir director. (Ps. He was not the nicest man to be around). He was very strict and kind of off putting. 

So, for FOUR years I practiced this one particular song. I sang in the shower, in between classes, and on my walks home from school. I got to the audition, confident as ever, and sang my best. My director said I did fairly well and it sounded promising. As the call backs came, I saw that he gave my solo to a junior who was shy and barely knew the words. I cannot even begin to express my jealousy. I let my anger and gossiping take over, and ruined my image with Christ.

Have you ever had a moment of jealousy? Let’s take a look at how God looks at jealousy: “For wherever there is jealousy and selfish ambition, there you will find disorder and evil of every kind.” ‭‭James‬ ‭3:16‬ ‭NLT‬‬

Ouch, right? Evil and disorder of every kind. When Jesus walked the earth, I am sure there were many people, including His own disciples, who were envious of His God given powers. I’m sure Peter wished He was the one to successfully walk on water like Jesus. I’m sure Timothy was jealous that Jesus could heal the sick with just the command of His words. And I’m sure Judas was envious of Jesus’s reputation. But, Jesus didn’t portray His talents to win friends and show off, he did so we could be served and to trust Him. When someone else gets something you want, remember that everyone’s plan is different. As much as I wanted that solo, I know that I was trying to gain self ambition and attention, which would have deceived God. Just remember that God will redeem you, just wait and instead of giving into the green monster of jealousy, ask Jesus to give you His heart so that you can love and support others just as He did. 

“Powerless Sin. Romans Study: Chapter 6.” By: Melodie Rose Jordan. 

Now that we have gotten to gist of God’s plan for us and the sacrifice He sent, it’s time to focus on the next important thing: through Jesus, sin is powerless.” When we died from our old selves, we sacrificed with Jesus. The moment we accept Jesus as the protector of our souls, we become one with Him. We need to acknowledge that our lives are now made new, pure, and whole again. “For we died and were buried with Christ by baptism.” (Vs. 4) 

There is one important statement I came up with that sums up this whole chapter: we need to understand the disadvantage of sin and the advantage of God. 

Disadvantage: a sin controlled life leads only to death. It has been stated in many stories in the Bible that before Christ came, God watched with heavy eyes, His own people living their lives the way they pleased. Adultery, gambling, drunks, murder, and everything in between. God had enough of this. He saw His own children, his sons and daughters of Heaven, practically drinking their own poison from their sinful desires. 

Advantage: As God grew tired of this treachery, He looked over at His perfect Son and knew what had to be done. Okay, let’s pause here for a second. How many of you would die for someone? I mean go through pain, flogging, mockery, and forced to walk covered in your own blood kind of death? I’m going to be honest my hand is not raised. I don’t know anyone really who would have taken the atonement that Jesus took. His love for us what so great to Him. He looked through throbbing eyes and still saw us as His people. 

 So here is another statement to reflect on: Lust leads to decay (hell). Love leads to salvation (heaven). Jesus’s sacrifice was that he laid down His life for ours, knowing the wrong we did, knowing how much of a drift we created from God. When He died, we died with Him. When He rose from the grave, we rose from our own graves as well. He died once to defeat sin, and now He lives for the Glory of God.”  

You need to know today that you are not a slave to sin. Sin is powerless as long as you accept that Jesus resides in your flesh and makes you whole. You need to know that your life can be controlled by the spirit and you can have a life full of great joy and peace that only God can provided.

Now you’re free from sin, your old master, and have become slaves to your new master, righteousness. Romans 6:18

“Law of Life or Death? Romans Study: Chapter 3.” By: Melodie Rose Jordan. 

Last chapter’s study was a bit rough…well it’s time that we believers ruffle up some feathers. Learning about God is not something to be taken lightly. Following a narrow path means that we are going to have to be uncomfortable in order to fully change. We are never going to fully grasp the meaning of Christianity if we do not start understand that our lives are now surrendered to the King of Heaven. Let’s dig right in Chapter 3: 

Paul addresses in the first verse that Jews and Gentiles were split. Meaning one side lived their lives according to their own beliefs. As you know today: sex, drugs, pornography, stealing…you get the picture. The pagan Gentiles did not fear God nor His judgement. Jews however, were entrusted with the whole revelation of God (the race that the Messiah came through.) They feared God and lived their lives according to the Scriptures. Paul then addresses that some of the Gentiles slandered God and Paul himself because they believed that their sin brought out the glory of God. Meaning that, the more they sinned, the more God’s powers were glorified. Paul calls this way foolish. I have to agree. That’s like me stealing from the same gas station every week and getting caught by the police because I know they’re doing their job correctly and will get praised for it. Yeah…crazy. 

Continuing, Paul explains that just because there is crack in the road between the Jews and the Gentiles, that doesn’t mean one is better than the other. Verse 10 states: “No one is good, not even one.” No one seeks God or seeks to be good.” Ooh. That hurt. You see, sin is a barrier between God and us. We can do everything that is considered good, but if we do not humble ourselves and admit sin is holding us back, it is all for nothing. God is a just God, He has His judgement already laid out for each of our lives. 

So, you’re probably thinking how is there a way to God and to ever serve Him? Well, He did make a way. Through His son. Through His life, we lose ours. When Jesus sacrificed Himself, God sent forth that we would no longer be guilty. He calls us blameless through Jesus. Through Jesus we have a new path. 

Tonight, understand that you are free. You are set apart for a reason. God wants you to be free from sin. He calls you wanted, loved, His. The balls are in your courts now. 

“Law of Life or Death? Romans Study: Chapter 2.” By Melodie Rose Jordan.

I’ve taken time to distinctively study this chapter because I have been stumbling on making sure I speak the right words that make sense and are according to the Word. If you read my first blog of this series, you have taken a toe step into this deep pool we’re going to be study. Before we begin, let’s start with prayer: “Dear Beautiful Abba, thank you so much again for being the God you are and supplying us with your Holy Word. Thank you for loving us deeper than the seas You created. Help me and those who read this understand what You want us to know about You. We love you, Lord. Amen. 

Chapter 1 of Romans is basically the front point of our lives today. There is a thick line in the sand that is this: follow the Law of God or of Man? There are a lot of lost people right now thinking this world is safe and that sin is wonderful. It’s so sad to see people being poisoned by the evilness that sin is. In Chapter 2, we continue with Paul addressing how God judges sin: 

God’s Judgement of Sin: “What terrible people are you talking about?” You are just as bad, and you have no excuse! Let’s stop there. What did your mind process over that? Clearly Paul isn’t just talking about people who live of sin. He’s talking about christians as well. We’re all marked by sin and it’s evil design. None of us are immune to it. Paul is stressing that there is no escape from sin as long as we remain apart from Christ. Only through Christ shall we ever conqueror from sins chains. In verses 2-3 it states: “And we know that God, in His justice, will punish anyone who does such things. Do you think God will judge and condemn others for doing them and not judge you? OUCH. I have sadly seen people who are saved thinking that they got their free ticket from sin and was given the power to judge others. THAT IS NOT OUR PLACE. That wasn’t even JESUS’S PLACE. For I have not come down to the world to condemn it, but to save it.” John 3:17. When we asked Jesus in, yes we are given the same power to withhold from sins grasp. That doesn’t mean sin is gone. That’s never going to happen until we enter to Heaven. We’re called to love not judge. In verse 4 it says that God is kind, patient, and loving with us. He doesn’t automatically let down His judgment. He allows time for us to fix our mistakes. Wow. 

I’m leaving this on these questions. “are you afraid of being judged? Or are you wanting to judge? Are you a captive of sin or condemning others who are captives? Are you playing games with sin or playing games with God? Ask God go help and examine your heart tonight. 

“We’re Only Human, and That’s Okay.” By: Melodie Rose Jordan.

“How foolish can you be? After starting your new lives in the Spirit, why are you now trying to become perfect by your own human effort?” Galatians‬ ‭3:3‬

It’s such a burden to be a human sometimes. The difficulties we face. The ups and downs trials bring us. We go from feeling like we’re on top of the Earth, to feeling like we’re stuck in the pit of shame in a matter of minutes. What’s even more difficult is being human and being a Christian. I know a lot of times I become emotionally, physically and spiritually drained from the constant noise this world tells me. I bring myself down so much when I make a mistake. Almost like there is a huge sign on my back that says “I’m a Christian. Feel free to analyze my every move!” Do you feel that way? It’s been so hard these past 5 years of being saved. While it brings my heart so much joy and love that I am saved by the Creator of the Universe, it’s also a constant battle of “do’s and dont’s” that I have to keep track of. And you know what… I AM SO TIRED OF LIVING THAT WAY!” What a horrible way to live right? Being a Christian is being set free from the chains of sin: fear, anger, and doubt. God doesn’t have this huge book of our sins that He keeps to read over and over again. He doesn’t say “I forgive you, but you know you’re less worthy to me now right? You can’t possibly keep following me. You’re useless.” So why is that us Followers sometimes view each other like that? Behind the person, there are still scars. There will always be in the back of our minds the faults we have all made, no matter how much you tell yourself “I can do this, I can do this on my own. I’ll just stay away from temptation. I couldn’t possibly do that because what would they think of me?” Can I say this, when did we start living to likings of human more than God? When did human opinions matter more than God’s? When did we start worshiping the building instead of the Builder? So many thoughts have run through my crazy head and one thought occurred to me today: “it’s okay, to not be okay.” It’s okay that we’re human. It’s okay to make mistakes, to fall. It’s okay to be you. We have no right to judge each other. We’re in this race together. When one slips on the mud, we clean one another off and help each other back up, not kick more dirt in the face. What I’m going here is that at the end of day, our choices are our OWN. Between you and God. He is the only one who matters. Who looks at stained, sinful heart and sees you as incrediable. Today, get on your knees and release to God that you want Him now and forever. You want to see others through His eyes. You’re much more than what anything this world tells you. Because we’re all human, and that’s okay.