“For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline.” 2 Timothy 1:7 NLTComing into the life of singleness, I was like how most people are: scared, angry, lonely, and broken. There were a lot of restless nights, and empty chest feeling days. I longed for that person from time to time, and things didn’t end well at all at the time. But that’s when God began His work. He wanted to show me what real love really is.
I know most people don’t look back on a day where a long term relationship ended as a good thing, but that’s the only way I can express my situation. It has been a year already that I chose to walk into a path unknown, just like Ruth. And it has been the best decision I have ever made.
As months went by, I entered a season of isolation. I had to cut off all of my past in order for me to really focus on God. I spent day and night in prayer, and that is actually when I started to get deep into blogging. I fell in love with reading again, and I began to really learn just who Jesus really is. Also, I found a quote that has stuck by me: “I want to be a woman that finishes well.” That quote pushed me into losing weight. I ventured out and found a nearby lake that had a four mile track. I was intimidated at first, but I slowly adjusted to the length of the walk, and I have been going ever since. I have lost 30 pounds so far.
What message I’m really trying to say here is, I know my worth. I know I am loved. I know that I can be happy, independent, and mature without being in a man’s shadow. I learned so much about myself. I used to be mentally/spiritually immature, I used to be close minded about learning and trying new things, I used to be so lazy, I used to hold grudges and refused to forgive, but I learned that forgiveness is a key in setting yourself free. I learned about loving others more than yourself. I learned about praying for your enemies, even if they are causing you nothing but pain. But, most of all, I used to be so far from God and His endless love for me. I know God had me go through this year for me to understand that I am more than what any man I’ve been with tells me. I am grateful for the pain, I am grateful for the loss, and I am grateful for the lonlieness. My heart has developed a different kind of love. I am so blessed to have really found Jesus.