22 years.

“Like a lily among thistles is my darling among young women.” Song of Songs‬ ‭2:2‬ ‭NLT‬‬

So last year I started this amazing blessing from God called this blog and it has really helps me delve deeply into His word while learning to express my thoughts. since I love to write. Last year, my verse for my age 21 was from Proverbs 21:21: “Whoever pursues righteousness and unfailing love will find life, righteousness, and honor.” Proverbs‬ ‭21:21‬ ‭NLT‬‬
It really amazes that God help me do just what this verse says. I lost so much last year. A relationship and entire family. It has been such a difficult process of dealing with it. But, the more I laid my problems at the root of the cross, the more Jesus uprooted in me. I really have been learning about forgiveness, loving others, and staying humble. Jesus has been the most gracious gift. I would be completely devastated if he did not reside in my soul right now.
This year, Jesus directed my eyes to this verse for my new age as 22: “Like a lily among thistles is my darling among young women.” Song of Songs‬ ‭2:2‬ ‭NLT‬‬

This verse is so beautiful and exempts the woman I am striving to be! I have had such a dark past…one where I thought I need to act proactively and lower myself so a man who help me feel accepted. Jesus, however, wanted different for me. Jesus sees me as the woman I am. He has made me pure, righteous, and accepted. I am a lily in His heavenly garden. No other man can uproot me from his holy ground. I am excited to see what my new age brings me. I am ready to be a woman among the thistles.

“Do Not Have a Feeling Based Faith.”

“And it is impossible to please God without faith. Anyone who wants to come to him must believe that God exists and that he rewards those who sincerely seek him.” Hebrews‬ ‭11:6‬ ‭NLT‬‬

Feelings are one of the most powerful, shifting aspects of our minds. Feelings can make us want to dance in the puddles after a afternoon shower. Or they can make us curl up under the covers, while watching the heavy rain drops clash against our windows. Feelings are overall dangerous. Especially when it comes to walking with Jesus. If we base our faith with only feelings, we never experience the Truth and will always submit to our flesh. Here's a chart I found that adequately describes feelings/faith.

Look at the left side for a brief moment. Do any of those things match to what is going on in your personal life right now? I have had to examine my heart on a few of them. When we have a feeling based faith, we are not living up to God's standards. We pray, do acts of goodness, and follow God. But in most cases it's for our gain. For example, I went through a season of "forgiveness" last year. I did all the things I was expected to do. I seeked God, I read His word. I still felt impatient. I examined my heart just now on that Melodie last year and I realized that I was doing those things in order to gain what I wanted. That's not what our season with God are supposed to be like! Every season is like a steeping stone towards our true identity, and being closer to Christ.

When Jesus walked the earth, he was selfless. He performed miracles, taught his disciples, and what I love most, drew to lonely places to be with Christ. Jesus led by example of a spiritual based faith. Jesus knew all along that He would be betrayed by the same hands who praised Him. Yet, he still chose to love them and now love us. When we decide to forgive someone, we can't just take it back because we don't like how they're treating us! When we attend fellowship, we can't single someone else out because they don't have that "church attire" look. Let's love on them and embrace them into the kingdom! After all, we are all going out the world the same way as dry bones.

My prayer for you and me today is to stop living a feeling based faith. We cannot just praise God when things are great. We need to seek God even though there are blockages in our path. We need to love other people, despite how they treat us. Because one who loves knows God, because God is love (1 John 4:7-8). Start today by creating a list of things that's keeping you from having a spiritual based faith and begin to ask Jesus to remove the flesh feelings out of your spirit and replace them with His love, kindness, patience, hope.

“Dying to Self.”

“Through suffering, our bodies continue to share in the death of Jesus so that the life of Jesus may also be seen in our bodies." 2 Corinthians‬ ‭4:10‬ ‭NLT‬‬

I am entering the wilderness, my friends. I just turned my back against the once known "civilization" my mind has created, and I'm stepping toe deep into loneliness again. I might seem odd or crazy to want to do this, believe me, my heart is scared. But, in order for me to completely grasp God. For me to fully express what my true identity is, how I feel of myself, I need to experience isolation. There are a few verses that have helped me with beginning this journey. I hope with the power of God they encourage you as well.

Focus on Heaven: “Think about the things of heaven, not the things of earth." Colossians‬ ‭3:2‬ ‭NLT‬‬
The first thing I am having to teach myself in this first week of isolation is, "what is my mind focusing on?" One things comes to my mind is, social media. I tend to waste so many minutes scrolling, posting, liking, etc. How is that vital to my personal time with God? I know 10 minutes a week is not acceptable. I just had to make a very difficult decision of giving it up. I am fasting my addiction over to God. I know some may think that's silly, but it's dangerous what I have been doing. I have created an idol of myself. I have been caring more of how the world sees rather than the One who created me in the first place. It's time that I focus on heaven. A Heavenly life is a righteous life.

Focusing on Faith, not fear: "Cast all your anxiety unto Him, for He cares for you." 1 Peter 5:7
So, following my downfall with living in a fearful life rather than faithful life, I have started to see the world in a negative light. I have woken up every morning these past few weeks just dreading the day. Apathetic of going to work, being angry on the long car trip there with the constant traffic. Feeling annoyed while at work because of the endless to-do lists just waiting for me as soon as I sit at my desk. I have completely shifted my focus to my earthly values, therefore causing me to be full of fear. A God driven person sees every day with hope. Goes through each path that lies ahead knowing God is their protector and guide. I want to be that! A faithful servant is one who will gain everlasting life, not everlasting fear.

Being a Doer for God: "Be doers of the Word, and not hearers only. Deceiving yourselves!"
It is so easy for me to post this biblical post, lay my bible on my night stand, and delve into something that completely contradicts God's teaching. Shame on me if I use the word of God for my personal gain! The Bible is to guide us! To instruct us! To heal, protect, and grow us! The Bible isn't a tool to make our reputations seem greater. It's not just another book to read to pass time. It's to show and teach us how to be like Jesus! What we learn in our alone time, will help someone who is going through a rough time. What we pray by ourselves, will lead us to pray with someone else. It's important to be alone with God, grow with God, become who you are supposed to be with God, and go out into the world to help some other lost soul going through a spiritual drought! It's time we start taking God seriously and start dying to ourselves!

“Living with Integrity.”

“The godly walk with integrity; blessed are their children who follow them.”
‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭20:7‬ ‭NLT‬‬

Jesus really went to home on me today on my past. I feel like I've been in a spiritual slump this week, but Jesus took me down a detour of my past sinful self. I was analyzing my thoughts and I actions I displayed before, and I'm not proud of any of it. I realized that I used to be a "personality splitter." Meaning, I acted one way with the groups I encountered. When I was around people who were negative, I'd catch myself saying something downing just to get some feedback. Or if I was with a group who loves to gossip, I'd catch myself rambling words in my brain to create a poisonous outcome just to fit in. And at the end of every day, I'd sit, Bible open, just praising Jesus and asking for forgiveness, just to repeat the same pattern.

I feel so silly for being that way! I was always afraid of being my real self. I wanted people to see different versions of me so I would receive approval. Do you know what that got me? Disappointment. There's just one verse and word I want to leave you with and three reasonings why Jesus wants us to live a life of integrity.

  1. A life of integrity leads to a hopeful future: "The godly walk with integrity; blessed are their children who follow them.” Proverbs‬ ‭20:7‬ ‭NLT‬‬

That verse speaks volume to me. I have been striving to be a woman that resembles integrity. To be an example of a woman who exempts godly measures. To pray for my enemies, to not only read the word, but to apply it physically to my life. As I become a wife and mother one day, my children will see the path I've lived, and I'm praying right now they would want to live that way too! Our children need to be showing a life of respect not neglect!

2. When we show our enemies integrity, we show Jesus's love: "I know that you are pleased with me, for my enemy does not triumph over me. Because of my integrity you uphold me and set me in your presence forever." Psalms 41:11-12. It is one of the most trying acts of faith we endure daily of choosing to show integrity to those we have resentment. I have learned from personal experience that showing complete hatred to someone we have hurt is literally murdering ourselves. We burn a hole in our souls with Jesus and strip our true identity away when we show any act of worldliness to our foe. I recently, actually today, realized living that way is so exhausting. We all know that acting out purposefully towards someone who has hurt us is doing nothing. That person does not know or care about how you feel. But, Jesus does. And he told me and now you, love your enemies, be kind to your enemies, and pray for them. Showing that act of integrity grows your heart to love more and it grows your heart closer to Jesus.

3. A heart of integrity beats the strongest:“People with integrity walk safely, but those who follow crooked paths will be exposed.” Proverbs‬ ‭10:9‬ ‭NLT‬‬
The enemy is never at rest, even when you are. When your bible is staying closed, collecting dust, your heart becomes more vulnerable to his devious plans. Your mind begins to create thoughts that do not come from heaven. We need to stay near our lord, my friends! It's better to be on your knees in prayer, than on your feet in despair. Let Jesus guide you down the path of integrity and strength. Let God shape your mind, heart, and spirit to be of heavenly things, not earthly.

Let us all remember this: we are a chosen few. Following the challenging, narrow path God has created is not easy, ever. It takes hard work, discipline, and faith to conquer every trial. Just when you survive one, another creeps along. Each trial we face tests our character, builds our strength, and grows our integrity.

“Authenticity of the Gospel.” By: Melodie Rose Jordan. 

Galatians is such an important book in the Word of God. It symbolizes what we are following: God, not man. Paul wrote many letters to Galatians churches, explaining his change through Christ. Before Paul became a christian, he was a devote Jew to the Jewish law. He religiously followed all the rules and believed in circumcision. The law he followed was based on deeds, not faith. After being saved, Paul realized that what he followed for his whole life was just a lie. Paul went beyond himself to proclaim Christ and to show people that the only thing he wanted to do was share the gospel. 

There is Only One Good News: “I am shocked that you are turning away so soon from God, who called you to himself through the loving mercy of Christ. You are following a different way that pretends to be the Good News but is not the Good News at all. You are being fooled by those who deliberately twist the truth concerning Christ.” ‭‭Galatians‬ ‭1:6-7‬ ‭NLT‬‬

Paul’s Message Comes from Christ: “Obviously, I’m not trying to win the approval of people, but of God. If pleasing people were my goal, I would not be Christ’s servant. Dear brothers and sisters, I want you to understand that the gospel message I preach is not based on mere human reasoning. I received my message from no human source, and no one taught me. Instead, I received it by direct revelation from Jesus Christ.” ‭‭Galatians‬ ‭1:10-12‬ ‭NLT‬‬

We Are to Consantly Share Jesus’s Name: “After that visit I went north into the provinces of Syria and Cilicia. And still the churches in Christ that are in Judea didn’t know me personally. All they knew was that people were saying, “The one who used to persecute us is now preaching the very faith he tried to destroy!” And they praised God because of me.” ‭‭Galatians‬ ‭1:21-24‬ ‭NLT‬‬

Our purpose in life is to give God the glory He deserves. Everything we accomplish is through His power. We were once goats, fumbling around, bullying the weak, and obesessing over our own likings. But now, Jesus calls us His sheep. Sheep always stay in the herd. They don’t stray. When one gets lost, the sheep always will find its way back to the Sheppard. Because the Sheppard loves His sheep dearly. 

Preaching the gospel is the only way to Christ. It glorifies Him! It is the truth! The truth will set everyone free! Our man made laws and rituals only sastify our temptations and glorify us. We should not call ourselves a slave for Christ if we live in that way. I pray for you all today you all will understand the true meaning of the gospel, which is we are all saved by Jesus alone. 

“The Day I Really Found Love.” By: Melodie Rose Jordan. 

“For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline.” ‭‭2 Timothy‬ ‭1:7‬ ‭NLT‬‬Coming into the life of singleness, I was like how most people are: scared, angry, lonely, and broken. There were a lot of restless nights, and empty chest feeling days. I longed for that person from time to time, and things didn’t end well at all at the time. But that’s when God began His work. He wanted to show me what real love really is. 
I know most people don’t look back on a day where a long term relationship ended as a good thing, but that’s the only way I can express my situation. It has been a year already that I chose to walk into a path unknown, just like Ruth. And it has been the best decision I have ever made. 

As months went by, I entered a season of isolation. I had to cut off all of my past in order for me to really focus on God. I spent day and night in prayer, and that is actually when I started to get deep into blogging. I fell in love with reading again, and I began to really learn just who Jesus really is. Also, I found a quote that has stuck by me: “I want to be a woman that finishes well.” That quote pushed me into losing weight. I ventured out and found a nearby lake that had a four mile track. I was intimidated at first, but I slowly adjusted to the length of the walk, and I have been going ever since. I have lost 30 pounds so far. 

What message I’m really trying to say here is, I know my worth. I know I am loved. I know that I can be happy, independent, and mature without being in a man’s shadow. I learned so much about myself. I used to be mentally/spiritually immature, I used to be close minded about learning and trying new things, I used to be so lazy, I used to hold grudges and refused to forgive, but I learned that forgiveness is a key in setting yourself free. I learned about loving others more than yourself. I learned about praying for your enemies, even if they are causing you nothing but pain. But, most of all, I used to be so far from God and His endless love for me. I know God had me go through this year for me to understand that I am more than what any man I’ve been with tells me. I am grateful for the pain, I am grateful for the loss, and I am grateful for the lonlieness. My heart has developed a different kind of love. I am so blessed to have really found Jesus. 

“Is This Suffering Worth It?” By: Melodie Rose Jordan.

Suffering is a word we all try to stay away from. Just pronouncing the word makes my insides shutter…suffering literally means to go through anguish for a long period of time without any stop. I have suffered from many things: depression, my medical condition, losing friendships. Lately, I have been suffering from myself. What do I mean by that? I have been fighting a battle between on how I should express my feelings, and choosing to have a Godly mindset. It’s been a struggle to put away my “needy” emotions, especially at my job or any public place.

I am a defensive person. When I am accused of something I know I did not commit, my tensions flare and my first initial reaction is to fight back, verbal tense. I feel all good inside knowing I got my way and that I was able to put down the person who did me wrong. Last night, God convicted me of this kind of behavior. God looked at my actions with disappointment. Man…I do not know about you, but having God disappointed in me, stings more than any sharp needle in the world. 

I read out of 1 Peter and this verse is what brought down my pride 100%: “Of course, you get no credit for being patient if you are beaten for doing wrong. But if you suffer for doing good and endure it patiently, God is pleased with you.” ‭‭1 Peter‬ ‭2:20‬ ‭NLT‬‬

I am just going to be honest here, when I first read this verse,  it confused me. God wants me to be patient when I am suffering? How in the world am I supposed to do that? It’s not fair! How can I just stand by and let someone walk all over me when I know I am right?! 

Well…Jesus did it. Remember? When Jesus let Judas grab the guards and priests to arrest Him. When Jesus stood in front of that crowd and Pilate withdrew a murderer back into civilization, as Jesus was being taunted and the crowd yelled, “Crucify Him!” When Jesus was hanging on the cross, and the Roman Guards still needed to make hateful remarks towards Him, as he was bleeding and broken. Jesus endured and remained patient. 


“Unjust suffering is precious to God because that is how Christ suffered, and when believers endure unjust treatment with patience and tolerance, they are sharing in his suffering. No one in the flesh wants to suffer unjustly. But when they desire to follow in the steps of Christ and find favor with God, they can endure and discover in the process a closer relationship to our Savior.” (Holy Bible Devotion) 

I love this verse now because it gives me hope. Whenever I am in a tough situation, and it takes all of my energy to bite my tongue and not react angrily, I will remember Jesus every time. His perfect character, is within us, thanks to His Holy Spirit. We never have to face hardships or suffering alone. Every day we will be nailed to our crosses, but we have the power and mindset to endure and win every time, just as Jesus did.  

“For God called you to do good, even if it means suffering, just as Christ suffered for you. He is your example, and you must follow in his steps.” ‭‭1 Peter‬ ‭2:21‬ ‭NLT‬‬