Out of the Depths.

Tonight I was reading some wonderful insights on how to cope with anxiety through a spiritual sense when I read within the article this verse:¬†With you [God] there is true forgiveness, so that you may be held in awe,‚ÄĚ says¬†Psalm 130:4. I was drawn into that verse deeply so I wanted to look more into it and the title of this beautiful song is called, “Out of the Depths.” I started to tear up a bit because that is exactly how I have felt the last through days. God has led into some deep waters, just watching me treading and freaking out basically. I have developed an irrational amount of anxiety and I have felt like there has been no escape.

I really would like to break this psalm down piece by piece so I can vividly express to you exactly how my life, and maybe even yours relates back to it.

Out of the depths I cry to you, O Lord!
2     O Lord, hear my voice!
Let your ears be attentive
    to the voice of my pleas for mercy!

So I can imagine you must have read this with a stabbing feeling straight to the gut, right? This is kind of¬† what happens when we allow sin to overlap the presence of our Lord. Sin lures us deeper and deeper into dark waters; our eyes are not even paying attention to what our feet are cutting on as we shed our Saviors’ love he willingly poured out into our dying souls. Then once we realize we have ventured off too deep, we begin to panic. Our hearts become weak, our minds begin to wander off into millions of directions.

If you, O Lord, should mark iniquities,
    O Lord, who could stand?
4 But with you there is forgiveness,
    that you may be feared.

We lose sight of God, when in reality He never leaves our sides. EVER. I had this happen to me….I had to allow so much pain and fear fester into my heart, so I could completely surrender it over to God and allow the proper healing to start in my life. I needed His relentless mercy.

I wait for the Lord, my soul waits,
    and in his word I hope;
6 my soul waits for the Lord
    more than watchmen for the morning,
    more than watchmen for the morning.

I love this imagery used by the psalmist about how our souls earnestly wait for the Lord as the watchmen wait for the morning. This is an example from the¬†Elliot Commentaries for English Readers about watchmen waiting for dawn:Watch for the morning.‚ÄĒComp.¬†Psalm 123:2¬†for another figure of the same earnest upward gaze. In the ‚Äúwatcher for the dawn‚ÄĚ there may be an allusion to the Levite-sentinel whose duty it was to signal the first ray of dawn, and the moment for commencing the sacred rites of the Temple (Psalm 134:1), but the figure if general, as marking the impatience of a deeply agitated soul‚ÄĒa sufferer waiting for relief, a contrite sinner for forgiveness‚ÄĒis as striking as graceful. (See¬†Deuteronomy 28:67.)”¬†¬†

We all go through the season of waiting. Our souls long for the things we think we desperately need in this EXACT moment, when in reality God’s timing is higher, better, and will last forever. Take heart my friend, God is carrying you out of the depths.

 

 

“Perseverance”.

This past month has been a whirlwind of changes and growth. God has revealed so much to me in what my flesh is still desiring and what my spirit needs to desire. This morning I read this powerful “sticky statement” (a statement that sticks out the most in an author’s piece or work) and it struck the rift I have been feeling in my spirit right out: “God leads us all into situations, circumstances, and experiences that break me, but mold me into a better version of myself.”¬†We all can agree trials and tribulations are down right awful. None of us like the feeling of disappointment, failure, or my favorite word this week:¬†perseverance.¬†Today, I want to write to you what I have learned from our friend of the bible James, and how trials should be counted as “great joy” in our personal walk with God.

I entered into the dating arena again with hope in my heart and excitement in my brain. The last relationship I had been in was almost 2 years ago! I have been fresh out of the game for quite some time. I will tell you on a personal note that the last 2 years of being single were the best couple years of my life. I grew so intimately with God, learned heavily about forgiveness, and I found a love for myself I never knew I had instilled within me. I prayed for months to share what I learned with the opposite sex (of course, a relationship). God eventually did lead me to someone who was incredible. His mind, body, and soul attracted me so profoundly. I desired to be in this persons’ presence, sadly, more than I did with God. The relationship abruptly ended, and I surprisingly did not leave the relationship empty or broken. I felt two things I have never felt in my life over a break up: hope and peace.¬†I quickly began to understand and truly see how much work God has done within my heart when I had to endure multiple trials of perseverance. James, incredible book of the bible, teaches us that very thing.

James 1:2-3:

Take Hope When Tests Come

2 My Christian brothers, you should be happy when you have all kinds of tests. 3 You know these prove your faith. It helps you not to give up. 

What a bold statement, right? “Be happy when you have all kinds of tests”. I am currently enrolled in school, and I can gladly tell you I do not find any joy in tests. In fact, I LOATHE tests! But… what would be the point if we did not have tests? How would I be able to see if I understand what I am learning and able to retain it if I do not endure tests of learning? The same exact principle is used when it comes to our faith. We are commanded by our Lord to read His word and apply to our lives so that when we do enter into “trials of tribulation” we can have a hope that surpasses all worldly understanding. We can have joy in knowing that we can endure all attacks because of the living Spirit inside of us.

James 1:4

4 Learn well how to wait so you will be strong and complete and in need of nothing.

Patience is one of the most used words in the bible. We are called many, many times to be patient. I sometimes like to explore many different versions of the bible, and one version replaced patience with “long suffering.” Wow! My mind immediately went to the cross. Jesus endure an immense amount of long suffering. He was so faithful to God’s will, even though He was in great anguish. That powerful, loving example is what Jesus expects of us. Waiting is an act of obedience; trusting God to do the possible when contradictions around us say impossible.

James 1:6

6 You must have faith as you ask Him. You must not doubt. Anyone who doubts is like a wave which is pushed around by the sea.

Trials are stepping stones in our faith. We must endure pain and tribulation, so that we will rely on God more and more. Just like the butterfly must complete the whole stage of metamorphosis, we must endure the whole trial of perseverance. We must allow God to mold us into His perfect character!

“Today.” By: Melodie Rose Jordan.

today

Today.

Today I awoke to the sun shining through my blinds.  It was an early rise, and as my body prepared for a new day, my mind seemed to be still asleep. As my I filled the soles of my shoes, I wondered who or what could fill the emptiness of my soul? I went throughout my day, my mind racing with agonizing thoughts. Who am I? Why am here? Am I even worth the breath I take? Will anyone look at me and see the beauty past my flaws? I could feel my heart pounding, but I didn’t really feel alive. I looked around to other lost faces that surrounded me. I wonder if they awoke to the same question as I did today. I look at my life at times and think what is my purpose? What am I called to do? This world is so vast and wide, so many explorations to embark on. I just can’t seem to get past today. I can’t get passed the never ending questions that life throws at me to slow me down. Until today. Today I heard a voice. It spoke to me so softly, it made my insides freeze. It calmed all my anxiety and fear I felt today. This voice simply told me two words:

im-everything

I’m everything. The two exact words I needed to hear. Tears began to fall and I fell on my knees. This beautiful voice reminded me that this life He gave me was a gift. I am to use this gift to give back to Him. Jesus is my constant reminder that when I feel lost in this world, I can find Him. When I feel useless, He sees me as perfect. When I feel like I don’t amount to anything, He sees me as His daughter. When this world tries to break me to pieces, He constantly mends me back together. I will fall a thousand times, but I will always be by my Father’s feet, waiting for Him to pick me back up again.

So, today. Today I will rise up and smile. Today I will look past my  insecurities because my Father calls me good enough. Today I will be Melodie and I will love others as I love myself. Because today is a new beginning. Today we are all together. Today is a beautiful day.