Waiting is REALLY Worth It

I remember that day vividly. On a warm summer evening in July, I was feeling a sudden inspiration all the while being over cumbered with grief from a broken relationship, to start a blog. I excitedly texted my good friend Jinny that I would turn my aching pain into words for a part of my story and she couldn’t have been more thrilled for me. Writing really is a coping mechanism for me to release stubborn emotions. I frantically searched and found multiple sites on how to set up a blog, etc. I picked a site, a name, and what my writing would be based on. I then took it to the next level and clicked on the plus icon to start my first post!

That’s when it hit me.

I knew what I had to write about. I suddenly felt less excited and more anxious and sad. If I were to get my message out there as well as my emotions, I knew I was going to have to face them.

I had to re-experience the pain, anger, fear, and sadness I felt about that broken relationship and to find a way to put them into words and share it with strangers. That was NOT an easy thing to do. I knew I had to turn to God and pray my heart out about it. As time went on, my heart was letting go a lot of intense emotion and I felt an overwhleming peace about my past.

I wrote about my pain and how I coped with it (only through the power of Jesus Christ). I wrote about the seasons I had experienced: my love season with God and the importance of singleness, the pain with dating and to watch out for wolves in sheep clothing, and eventually about my season of severe depression and where I considered suicide last year.

This post today is a loving one. A post that reminds my heart why I started this blog in the first place. I’m sitting here at my black kitchen table with a mason jar full of sweet tea, glancing over at my husband of almost 2 months, just thanking Abba Father above that every tearful, daunting, dark nights I cried from sadness, the days screaming in my car full of anger, and praying and worshiping until my lungs almost collapsed led to this: waiting is REALLY worth it.

I found the love I was looking for in a person, but it goes beyond that. I found someone whom I love getting to drink coffee with every single morning. Whom I love getting to pick groceries and figure out a budget plan with every month. A love that lasts more than a Sunday. 3 years ago I was broken, lost, and then found me. I fell in love with being alone and enjoying me. Now, I fell in love with my husband and never want to be without him.

22 years.

“Like a lily among thistles is my darling among young women.” Song of Songs‬ ‭2:2‬ ‭NLT‬‬

So last year I started this amazing blessing from God called this blog and it has really helps me delve deeply into His word while learning to express my thoughts. since I love to write. Last year, my verse for my age 21 was from Proverbs 21:21: “Whoever pursues righteousness and unfailing love will find life, righteousness, and honor.” Proverbs‬ ‭21:21‬ ‭NLT‬‬
It really amazes that God help me do just what this verse says. I lost so much last year. A relationship and entire family. It has been such a difficult process of dealing with it. But, the more I laid my problems at the root of the cross, the more Jesus uprooted in me. I really have been learning about forgiveness, loving others, and staying humble. Jesus has been the most gracious gift. I would be completely devastated if he did not reside in my soul right now.
This year, Jesus directed my eyes to this verse for my new age as 22: “Like a lily among thistles is my darling among young women.” Song of Songs‬ ‭2:2‬ ‭NLT‬‬

This verse is so beautiful and exempts the woman I am striving to be! I have had such a dark past…one where I thought I need to act proactively and lower myself so a man who help me feel accepted. Jesus, however, wanted different for me. Jesus sees me as the woman I am. He has made me pure, righteous, and accepted. I am a lily in His heavenly garden. No other man can uproot me from his holy ground. I am excited to see what my new age brings me. I am ready to be a woman among the thistles.