“Dying to Self.”

“Through suffering, our bodies continue to share in the death of Jesus so that the life of Jesus may also be seen in our bodies." 2 Corinthians‬ ‭4:10‬ ‭NLT‬‬

I am entering the wilderness, my friends. I just turned my back against the once known "civilization" my mind has created, and I'm stepping toe deep into loneliness again. I might seem odd or crazy to want to do this, believe me, my heart is scared. But, in order for me to completely grasp God. For me to fully express what my true identity is, how I feel of myself, I need to experience isolation. There are a few verses that have helped me with beginning this journey. I hope with the power of God they encourage you as well.

Focus on Heaven: “Think about the things of heaven, not the things of earth." Colossians‬ ‭3:2‬ ‭NLT‬‬
The first thing I am having to teach myself in this first week of isolation is, "what is my mind focusing on?" One things comes to my mind is, social media. I tend to waste so many minutes scrolling, posting, liking, etc. How is that vital to my personal time with God? I know 10 minutes a week is not acceptable. I just had to make a very difficult decision of giving it up. I am fasting my addiction over to God. I know some may think that's silly, but it's dangerous what I have been doing. I have created an idol of myself. I have been caring more of how the world sees rather than the One who created me in the first place. It's time that I focus on heaven. A Heavenly life is a righteous life.

Focusing on Faith, not fear: "Cast all your anxiety unto Him, for He cares for you." 1 Peter 5:7
So, following my downfall with living in a fearful life rather than faithful life, I have started to see the world in a negative light. I have woken up every morning these past few weeks just dreading the day. Apathetic of going to work, being angry on the long car trip there with the constant traffic. Feeling annoyed while at work because of the endless to-do lists just waiting for me as soon as I sit at my desk. I have completely shifted my focus to my earthly values, therefore causing me to be full of fear. A God driven person sees every day with hope. Goes through each path that lies ahead knowing God is their protector and guide. I want to be that! A faithful servant is one who will gain everlasting life, not everlasting fear.

Being a Doer for God: "Be doers of the Word, and not hearers only. Deceiving yourselves!"
It is so easy for me to post this biblical post, lay my bible on my night stand, and delve into something that completely contradicts God's teaching. Shame on me if I use the word of God for my personal gain! The Bible is to guide us! To instruct us! To heal, protect, and grow us! The Bible isn't a tool to make our reputations seem greater. It's not just another book to read to pass time. It's to show and teach us how to be like Jesus! What we learn in our alone time, will help someone who is going through a rough time. What we pray by ourselves, will lead us to pray with someone else. It's important to be alone with God, grow with God, become who you are supposed to be with God, and go out into the world to help some other lost soul going through a spiritual drought! It's time we start taking God seriously and start dying to ourselves!

“Being You.”

I want to start this by saying this: "it's okay." Regardless of the season you're entering or exiting, not by the circumstances currently surrounding you, I mean it's okay just to be you. If you're feeling hollow, angry, or jealous. Feel that way. Embrace it. It's so unhealthy to pretend you're fine when your spirit is mentally dying. There are numerous things taking place in each of our lives that test our strength, character, and health. We need to be so cautious as to what we let into our hearts. This verse came at such a perfect timing in my life and I need to share it with you: “A peaceful heart leads to a healthy body; jealousy is like cancer in the bones.” Proverbs‬ ‭14:30‬ ‭NLT‬‬

I have been experiencing a spiritual exhaustion this past week. I have taken my eyes off of the cross and focusing more on worldly perspectives. If you really want to know how I feel, I feel that my spirit is dying. I feel heaviness in my eyes, and hollowness in my chest. I feel my heart shriveling up because of what I've been feeding it: lies, envy, and anger. I am slowly drifting from the Truth. I am ashamed because I was just recently baptized. How could I possibly be doing this already? Some of the wisest followers I know told me that Satan works even harder to throw us off our paths when he knows we are becoming closer with Christ.

What I am trying to grasp myself is, I literally have the spirit of the living God residing in my lungs. He breathes what I breath. He sees my thoughts. He knows what words I will speak next.

I believe in the power of God. But, as the mere mortal I am, my own mere mind doesn't want to believe I have the power of God too. Now when I say that, I am not stating I have the physical powers of God. That is not true at all. What I am saying is, through the power of God, I can withstand any trial or temptation that comes my way. Correction, WE all do. I feel myself slowly going back into the wilderness of isolation. I feel like my back needs to be faced away from the world, and my eyes set once again on the cross. My hands need to let go of my own strength, and need to be lifted high to the One who gives me strength. It's time that I really face the storm that I keep creating within me. We all cannot control how certain people treat us, feel about us. But we can control how our Heavenly Father sees us. I leave you with this: whatever you believe, wherever you are at, just be you. Embrace who you are. Trust in the God who created you, not what other's opinions want you to be.

“Living with Integrity.”

“The godly walk with integrity; blessed are their children who follow them.”
‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭20:7‬ ‭NLT‬‬

Jesus really went to home on me today on my past. I feel like I've been in a spiritual slump this week, but Jesus took me down a detour of my past sinful self. I was analyzing my thoughts and I actions I displayed before, and I'm not proud of any of it. I realized that I used to be a "personality splitter." Meaning, I acted one way with the groups I encountered. When I was around people who were negative, I'd catch myself saying something downing just to get some feedback. Or if I was with a group who loves to gossip, I'd catch myself rambling words in my brain to create a poisonous outcome just to fit in. And at the end of every day, I'd sit, Bible open, just praising Jesus and asking for forgiveness, just to repeat the same pattern.

I feel so silly for being that way! I was always afraid of being my real self. I wanted people to see different versions of me so I would receive approval. Do you know what that got me? Disappointment. There's just one verse and word I want to leave you with and three reasonings why Jesus wants us to live a life of integrity.

  1. A life of integrity leads to a hopeful future: "The godly walk with integrity; blessed are their children who follow them.” Proverbs‬ ‭20:7‬ ‭NLT‬‬

That verse speaks volume to me. I have been striving to be a woman that resembles integrity. To be an example of a woman who exempts godly measures. To pray for my enemies, to not only read the word, but to apply it physically to my life. As I become a wife and mother one day, my children will see the path I've lived, and I'm praying right now they would want to live that way too! Our children need to be showing a life of respect not neglect!

2. When we show our enemies integrity, we show Jesus's love: "I know that you are pleased with me, for my enemy does not triumph over me. Because of my integrity you uphold me and set me in your presence forever." Psalms 41:11-12. It is one of the most trying acts of faith we endure daily of choosing to show integrity to those we have resentment. I have learned from personal experience that showing complete hatred to someone we have hurt is literally murdering ourselves. We burn a hole in our souls with Jesus and strip our true identity away when we show any act of worldliness to our foe. I recently, actually today, realized living that way is so exhausting. We all know that acting out purposefully towards someone who has hurt us is doing nothing. That person does not know or care about how you feel. But, Jesus does. And he told me and now you, love your enemies, be kind to your enemies, and pray for them. Showing that act of integrity grows your heart to love more and it grows your heart closer to Jesus.

3. A heart of integrity beats the strongest:“People with integrity walk safely, but those who follow crooked paths will be exposed.” Proverbs‬ ‭10:9‬ ‭NLT‬‬
The enemy is never at rest, even when you are. When your bible is staying closed, collecting dust, your heart becomes more vulnerable to his devious plans. Your mind begins to create thoughts that do not come from heaven. We need to stay near our lord, my friends! It's better to be on your knees in prayer, than on your feet in despair. Let Jesus guide you down the path of integrity and strength. Let God shape your mind, heart, and spirit to be of heavenly things, not earthly.

Let us all remember this: we are a chosen few. Following the challenging, narrow path God has created is not easy, ever. It takes hard work, discipline, and faith to conquer every trial. Just when you survive one, another creeps along. Each trial we face tests our character, builds our strength, and grows our integrity.

“There’s Mercy in Your Anguish Prayers” 

“I love the Lord because he hears my voice and my prayer for mercy.” ‭‭Psalms‬ ‭116:1‬ ‭NLT‬‬

Are you going through a "dry spot" in your life at the moment? Are you reading your bible, knowing you see the words of Jesus, but they're not affecting your heart at all? Are you sitting on your knees, with crossed hands, just trying your hardest to spew out words of prayer to our invisible God? Let me tell you, friend, I have been there. There have been numerous moments in my walk where I have been considered "spiritually dry". Where every passing moment I spend with Jesus, I just don't feel anything affected in my life. I have had moments where I read the word for 10 minutes, and I see a notification light up on my iPhone, and I'm more intrigued by how the world sees me instead of God. Then after that spur of the moment ends, I'm right back to feeling hollow. 

What is important in this post today is this simple statement: faith in God is not run by our feelings or circumstances, it is run by the intimate connection provided constantly by the spirit of God. What I mean by this is, it's very easy to worship God when our life has had great things come along. Like for me, I finally was granted a full time job with weekends off so I can attend Sunday service. I have been very happy about that, but then a storm came over me. I just recently found out that someone I was once so intimate with has taken the heart of a former close friend. I have had feelings of betrayal, anger, and disappointment. Which I don't want to have those feelings. So my prayers and reading time have been cut short due to my heart being so entangled with sadness. 

God spoke to me deeply yesterday about being "spiritually dry." We cannot depend our own emotions to stay in tuned with the spirit. God wants us to pray at his feet when we cannot say the words we need to say. The word of God is our shield against evil, our love story with Jesus, and it speaks truth of our identity. Satan has been pressing into my brain that I need a man still to be loved. But I read these words this morning in Psalms 117 and I felt the love of God fall upon me: “For his unfailing love for us is powerful; the Lord’s faithfulness endures forever. Praise the Lord!” Psalms‬ ‭117:2‬ ‭NLT‬‬

My dear friend, God loves you forever and always. He loves you when you are distant. He loves you when that person is the center of your attention. He loves you when you are questioning your existence. He loves you because He made you. Go through your day knowing that the mighty lord of heaven has your best intentions💛

“My Baptism.” By: Melodie Rose Jordan. 

The day appeared. I awoke that Sunday morning with a smile on my face and a beautiful hymn humming in my brain. My heart fluttered at the thought of the event I was about to embark on. I entered that wonderful church, stepped into the pool, and before I knew it, my body submerged into the water and I came up as a wet, but redeemed person. 

My baptism that occurred only two weeks ago was the best day of my life. I can’t help but to replay the whole day in my head. Dozens of embracing hugs and thoughtful messages given to me. My beautiful family sitting in the front row, showing their love and support. Most of all, being so connected with my glorious God. This baptism is HUGE to me because it symbolized just how far I’ve come. I went through the desert season, the rainy season, the lost season, the pain agonizing season, to finally reach my season now: peace. All I have is peace, compassion, and gratitude. There isn’t a single day that has passed within this year that I wish I didn’t go through. I am so honored to have gone through the loss, because I would have never been truly found. I am happy. I am a Christ follower. I am living loved. 


Desperate Times Do Not Call for Desperate Measures.” By: Melodie Rose Jordan. 

I have a question to ask you friends: what do you do in desperate situations. You know the situations that keep you up late at night because your mind will refuse to stop running. The situations where you try to make up plan after plan only watch each one of them fail. I have often times in my own life just choose to run away from my adversities, and I have ended up in the hands of the enemy. Can you relate? 

Tonight I want us to read in 1 Samuel 27, where David is caught in the midst of his own desperate time. He has been on the run from Saul, the envious king. David hasn’t been relying on God or even speaking of him. David has began to rely on himself, which is the beginning on the road to destruction: “But David kept thinking to himself, “Someday Saul is going to get me. The best thing I can do is escape to the Philistines. Then Saul will stop hunting for me in Israelite territory, and I will finally be safe.” ‭1 Samuel‬ ‭27:1‬ ‭NLT‬‬

I have mentioned before that I was neck deep into pornography. At the time, I thought that was the only oulet open to me The evil desires it caused made me forget this reality and I entered a new one. A one where I felt safe and pleasures. Exactly what David felt when he made his home in Gath; the home of Goliath. How could David possibly think this was a good plan?! Here are six points to keep in mind about David’s close minded choices and what choices God wants us to make: 

1) we will have a season of drought, but we should not remain there. Trust that God will send the rain.
2) depend on God to get us through our adversities 

3) in some situations, we think it’s best to run (our own perspective) instead of remaining still (god’s perspective). 

4) our disobedience can end with on a price on our own life and our generations to come.

5) we can find comfort in earthly pleasure and the “easy road instead of trusting God in the narrow road

6) we can often take safety with the enemy because it’s often more “convenient”

One statement to keep in mind: “Desperate times do not call for desperate measures. They call for prayerful measures.” You and I are going to go through drought seasons. Seasons that will challenge our faith, our minds, and our bodies. But are we going to find life again through Christ, or are we going to continue plotting our own deaths? Our choices always come with consequences, but God is still there in the midst of it all. He still wants to provide us His strength and for us to find him again in our darkest hour. 

“David was now in great danger because all his men were very bitter about losing their sons and daughters, and they began to talk of stoning him. But David found strength in the Lord his God.” ‭‭1 Samuel‬ ‭30:6‬ ‭NLT‬‬

“Joy in Suffering.” By: Melodie Rose Jordan. 

There’s that word I’m using again: suffering. I know I am probably making someone’s face cringe and heart rate quicken, but it’s so important in living for Christ is we’re called to suffer for Him as well. Jesus willingly took our painful ransom so we all could have unity with Heaven once again. But, why should we suffer if Jesus already has? Today, we will be studying Philippians Chapter One. Paul wrote this letter while in chains in Philippi, as a warm and loving thank you to those who are spreading the gospel of Jesus (now linking back to us). 

Paul’s purpose in writing this letter was to show the Philippians that even though he was imprisoned for sharing about Jesus, he still chose to seek the joy in it. Paul also counseled about those who are speaking about Jesus through rivalry and self righteousness, instead of humility and unity. Here are three key points to take from this chapter. 

We are in community, not incongruity: “I pray that your love will overflow more and more, and that you will keep on growing in knowledge and understanding.” ‭‭Philippians‬ ‭1:9‬ ‭NLT

This verse is so important because Paul is stating one main factor of believing in Jesus: constantly in communion with others, not isolation. We attend church to praise, give, and pray for each other. We invite our girls over to have some Jesus filling memories and to grow with one another. We seek out spiritual counsel when we are at the short end of our faith. If we only confide with God in our quiet time, and then go out into the world with a blank expression, how are people supposed to know that the powerful God is living inside our very hearts?! 

Living a bold life, not an ashamed life for Christ: “And because of my imprisonment, most of the believers here have gained confidence and boldly speak God’s message without fear.” ‭‭Philippians‬ ‭1:14‬ ‭NLT‬‬

Paul is literally in chains at this moment, expressing his joy for his slavement for Christ. What a bold statement! I want that so badly! Paul is encouraging us here that if he can fid faith, joy, and contement in Christ, even though he knows he is going to be imprisoned and eventually killed for the cause of Christ, we should feel encouraged to the same! This life is temporary! No relationship, no occupation, not one thing will satisfy our hearts the way God can. He has promised us eternal life through Jesus Christ. That makes me want to venture out into the streets and proclaiming His love to every being I pass by! It is something I never want to live without! 

Our suffering is His glory: “We are in this struggle together. You have seen my struggle in the past, and you know that I am still in the midst of it.” Philippians‬ ‭1:30‬ ‭NLT‬‬

My beautiful friends, we are suffering together. We are slaves of righteousness together. We are all bound in God’s forgiveness together. We no longer need to fear the feelings of loneliness or rejection. We are all apart of the body of Christ. When one falls, we all help pick them back up. When one is weak, we all pray that God will strengthen them again. I hope this has encouraged you today! God bless! ❤🌈