Waiting is REALLY Worth It

I remember that day vividly. On a warm summer evening in July, I was feeling a sudden inspiration all the while being over cumbered with grief from a broken relationship, to start a blog. I excitedly texted my good friend Jinny that I would turn my aching pain into words for a part of my story and she couldn’t have been more thrilled for me. Writing really is a coping mechanism for me to release stubborn emotions. I frantically searched and found multiple sites on how to set up a blog, etc. I picked a site, a name, and what my writing would be based on. I then took it to the next level and clicked on the plus icon to start my first post!

That’s when it hit me.

I knew what I had to write about. I suddenly felt less excited and more anxious and sad. If I were to get my message out there as well as my emotions, I knew I was going to have to face them.

I had to re-experience the pain, anger, fear, and sadness I felt about that broken relationship and to find a way to put them into words and share it with strangers. That was NOT an easy thing to do. I knew I had to turn to God and pray my heart out about it. As time went on, my heart was letting go a lot of intense emotion and I felt an overwhleming peace about my past.

I wrote about my pain and how I coped with it (only through the power of Jesus Christ). I wrote about the seasons I had experienced: my love season with God and the importance of singleness, the pain with dating and to watch out for wolves in sheep clothing, and eventually about my season of severe depression and where I considered suicide last year.

This post today is a loving one. A post that reminds my heart why I started this blog in the first place. I’m sitting here at my black kitchen table with a mason jar full of sweet tea, glancing over at my husband of almost 2 months, just thanking Abba Father above that every tearful, daunting, dark nights I cried from sadness, the days screaming in my car full of anger, and praying and worshiping until my lungs almost collapsed led to this: waiting is REALLY worth it.

I found the love I was looking for in a person, but it goes beyond that. I found someone whom I love getting to drink coffee with every single morning. Whom I love getting to pick groceries and figure out a budget plan with every month. A love that lasts more than a Sunday. 3 years ago I was broken, lost, and then found me. I fell in love with being alone and enjoying me. Now, I fell in love with my husband and never want to be without him.

“We’re Only Human, and That’s Okay.” By: Melodie Rose Jordan.

“How foolish can you be? After starting your new lives in the Spirit, why are you now trying to become perfect by your own human effort?” Galatians‬ ‭3:3‬

It’s such a burden to be a human sometimes. The difficulties we face. The ups and downs trials bring us. We go from feeling like we’re on top of the Earth, to feeling like we’re stuck in the pit of shame in a matter of minutes. What’s even more difficult is being human and being a Christian. I know a lot of times I become emotionally, physically and spiritually drained from the constant noise this world tells me. I bring myself down so much when I make a mistake. Almost like there is a huge sign on my back that says “I’m a Christian. Feel free to analyze my every move!” Do you feel that way? It’s been so hard these past 5 years of being saved. While it brings my heart so much joy and love that I am saved by the Creator of the Universe, it’s also a constant battle of “do’s and dont’s” that I have to keep track of. And you know what… I AM SO TIRED OF LIVING THAT WAY!” What a horrible way to live right? Being a Christian is being set free from the chains of sin: fear, anger, and doubt. God doesn’t have this huge book of our sins that He keeps to read over and over again. He doesn’t say “I forgive you, but you know you’re less worthy to me now right? You can’t possibly keep following me. You’re useless.” So why is that us Followers sometimes view each other like that? Behind the person, there are still scars. There will always be in the back of our minds the faults we have all made, no matter how much you tell yourself “I can do this, I can do this on my own. I’ll just stay away from temptation. I couldn’t possibly do that because what would they think of me?” Can I say this, when did we start living to likings of human more than God? When did human opinions matter more than God’s? When did we start worshiping the building instead of the Builder? So many thoughts have run through my crazy head and one thought occurred to me today: “it’s okay, to not be okay.” It’s okay that we’re human. It’s okay to make mistakes, to fall. It’s okay to be you. We have no right to judge each other. We’re in this race together. When one slips on the mud, we clean one another off and help each other back up, not kick more dirt in the face. What I’m going here is that at the end of day, our choices are our OWN. Between you and God. He is the only one who matters. Who looks at stained, sinful heart and sees you as incrediable. Today, get on your knees and release to God that you want Him now and forever. You want to see others through His eyes. You’re much more than what anything this world tells you. Because we’re all human, and that’s okay.