Pursuing Christ.

The dictionary defines pursue asĀ (of a person or way) continue or proceed along (a path or route. That is the core statement in our daily lives of pursuing the call of Christ. I know we all go through our seasons. A time to thrive, and a time to wither. I have had that very thing happen to me. I deliberately wrapped my arms around temporary satisfaction and turned my back against God. The more my soul was being sucked by sin, the less I began to pursue call and I suddenly began to feel at lost of my purpose.

Months and months I awoke in a frantic on dark nights just entrapped by the heaviness of guilt and shame. When the sun finally rose in the morning, it still felt as if the night never left. I began to feel hollow on the inside, ashamed to even call myself a Christian for all the mistakes I have made. I almost was tempted to turn away from God because I felt like I had ran my course with Him and there was just no hope in Him still using me as a vessel of His own heart. The voices of the Liar began to overpower me. I believed I was not good enough. I believed there was no way I could even enter church or sit with a Christian friend because of the sin still encrusted beneath the surface of my skin. My vision, passion, and just soul felt dry and meaningless. I could not find a possible way to escape this endless cycle of despair.

Yet, my friend, Jesus was there all along. The nights where I felt like ice, His loving light burned brightly to satisfy my warmth. The days where I sat in quietness of my car or laying naked in my bathroom tub, God stroked my hair and whispered sweet melodies to try to entice my broken heart. Each day Jesus pursed me, because He will never abandon or give up on me. Jesus saw my agonizing weakness as biblical value to my personal relationship with God.

For it is through human weakness that God’s strength upholds us and is displayed for the world.”

God compares us to a jar of clay. Before we are made into His perfect mold, we need to understand that our clay is a brittle, easily broken substance. Through that, though, He makes our clay into jars–designed to hold the most valuable treasure: the Holy Spirit. God places His treasureĀ within our clay selves so that we can withstand the damaged, broken cracks life causes toward us.

God still uses us in the midst of our wandering. There is a requirement of focus: We need to seek things of Heavenly value, not Earthly value. This is to be a continuous act of never taking our eyes of the Cross. The word is our instructions to a heavenly life and to live righteously.

“God did this so that they would seek him and perhaps reach out for him and find him, though he is not far from any one of us.” Acts 17:27

“Let us not become weary in doing good,Ā for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.” Galatians 6:9

“Turn from evil and do good; seek peaceĀ and pursue it.” Psalm 34:14

ā€œSometimes Stars Fadeā€

It begins unexpectedly.

Sometimes things break. We strive to protect our desires, basking in the euphoria we feel when our needs are met. But once those desires become flat, we feel deprived.

Sometimes stars fade. We see the light. We know the path, itā€™s lit for us. No stumbling, just smooth sailing. The wind is blowing in the right direction, no clashing thunder tries to rattle the mahogany boards that make up our ships. It feels safe, comfortable, and secure. That is, until the stars start to clash down abruptly from the heavenly skies, making our clear path ambiguous. We begin to panic. Chests tighten, palms shake, hearts race.

When I put my hope and trust into things that are earthly, I’m choosing to quench my spirit with temporary water. I get flustered when I’m constantly thirsting for more earthly values. I shame God, and turn my bare, cold back against His warm, immeasurable embrace. I cut my feet constantly onto my shattered dreams, expecting to escape the bloody chaos. He still rescues me… because He knows that I don’t belong in the ground, I belong on the clouds.

Sometimes things break, but He chooses to fix our undoings over again. Sometimes Stars fade, but His ceaseless light burns my unlit eyes so I can see life through a perspective of the Savior, not the Serpent.