Secrets. We all have them, right? I hope I am not alone in that…well, there are some good secrets: like a man on his 1,000th date with his “soul mate” and he has a ring in his pocket, just waiting to pop the question. Or, it’s your best friend’s 40th birthday, and you and her closest friends and family are throwing her a 70’s theme birthday party (which is what I want done to me, haha!)
Sorry to burst some bubbles here, but those are not the type of secrets we will be discussing today. We are going to get a little deep, and it’s going to sting a bit. We are going to reveal in our own hearts of a “secret sin” in our own lives. I will start out by saying mine…and I am being blunt right now, this is being typed with some heavy tears in my eyes, so this is not easy for me to say.
Most of you who follow my blog know that I committed sexual impurity when I was only 16 years old. Well, i am going to say another big sin I kept in the shadows. I used to be water deep into pornography. It all started in about 10th grade. This new site called Tumblr came into light and I wanted to try it out. I made an account, chose a cute blog name, and started to explore. I found extravagant photos of nature and of people and I instantly became attached. I made some new followers, and the thing about this site is…it’s very explicit. You can basically post anything you want. So, one day I found a blog site specifically for relationships, and since I yearned for one at the time…I fell in.
The chains started to clasp onto me….
I wanted more. More than just kissing or cute relational quotes. I wanted action. So, I found some explicit gifs (moving pictures) of inappropriate sexual activity. I knew in my heart it was wrong, but my mind craved for that attention.
I felt the chains start to pull me under…
I had stopped for awhile when I was in my last relationship, but things started to drift between the person I was with and…the pornogrpahy was grabbing my attention. I felt like I was being torn in two. My boyfriend at the time worked long, hard hours, and after we parted ways, I instantly jumped on and watched porn. All. Day. Long. I even explored the “female” side of it…and that’s when things took a turn for the worst.
I had lost all control. I had let my secret sin consume me. I watched from above the light drift from me as I sunk into darkness…
I had enough. I wanted out. To escape. To be free. I confronted my boyfriend at the time first about it…and he kindly forgave me and prayed for me. But, I knew I needed more. I needed comfort from my Father.
It wasn’t until last year that I finally looked at my chains and decided it was enough. I got on my knees, looked up with my tear stained face, and admitted to God that I was letting my sin destroy my life.
I insantly felt the weight of guilt being lifted off of me. My heart felt full, not of lust, but of peace and love. I was free. I haven’t gone back to pornography since that day.
Whatever your secret sin may be, know it can and will destroy you if you don’t analyze it in time. Know that God has a greater plan for you and can free you from the darkness! Know there is always a way out!!!